It may be the most wonderful time of the year, but it’s also one of the most stressful. According to a survey by the American Heart Association, 63% of Americans say the holiday season is more stressful than tax season, and it can take weeks to recover. Yet, 71% say their biggest regret is that they didn’t take time to relax and enjoy the season.
It doesn’t have to be this way, says Cara Houser, author of Burned Out to Lit Up: Ditch the Grind and Reclaim Your Life. “We’ve come to think of stress as universal and almost inevitable,” she says. “We need to define it. I see stress as an inner journey most of us need to go on and burnout is soul death by 1,000 self-betraying cuts.”
Many of our bad habits contribute to stress and burnout, says Houser. They include putting your own needs last, having an always-on mentality, lacking an ability for boundary setting, and being uncomfortable with disappointing others. These habits become amplified during the holiday season rush, because there’s so many more demands.
“When you’re a doer and you keep doing stuff, more stuff keeps coming onto your plate,” says Houser. “You’re never going to get to the bottom of the to-do list.”
Houser says it’s important to reframe the season, so it doesn’t lead to a work-life crisis. Here are four things you can do to avoid holiday burnout.
1. Make Space
People who are at risk of burnout often try to be everything to everyone except themselves, says Houser. “You haven’t failed to get there, you’ve just subscribed to this fiction that it’s possible to be perfect at doing multiple full-time jobs at the same time,” she says.
To make better decisions as to how to spend our time, energy, and resources, Houser says you need to get back in touch with your core self. “Once you get there, you’re much less likely to fall into burnout,” she says.
Start by making space on your calendar in all realms of your life. This action will help take weight off your shoulders, which can give you the energy you need to start marching in the right direction.
2. Set Boundaries
Rebuild your schedule with habits, mindsets, and practices that put you on the path to where you want to go. Make sure you don’t set out on the journey, get some relief, and then fall back into all the old habits, says Houser.
“Make boundaries part of your lifestyle, so that when life comes knocking at your door again—which it will—you’ll be much better equipped to stay centered and to stay true to yourself, making choices that make sense,” she says.
It’s impossible to please everyone; in fact, that’s not your job, says Houser. “Your job is to make really healthy choices for yourself in concert with others in your inner circle,” she says. “You’re not responsible for everyone else’s feelings. The root of boundary setting is getting a little more comfortable with others being disappointed.”
3. Let Go of Obligations
You always have a choice, says Houser. “The rush and overwhelm of this season create a sense of urgency, which feels real,” she says. “It’s also a little bit false. It makes us feel like we’re stuck doing all the things we’ve always done.”
If you sit back and reflect, the things you think are requirements and obligations are often optional. Houser cautions against using the word “should” during the season.
“Part of the reason why we get burnout in the holidays is because we get wrapped up in what it needs to look like, what we imagine other people are doing, and what we assume we should be doing,” she says. “We ‘should’ ourselves to death.”
Asking yourself, “What should I do?” can make you feel guilty. Instead, Houser says a more empowered question is, “What do I choose to do? Where and with whom?”
4. Have a Plan
Finally, take some time alone to ask yourself some simple questions that will help you create a plan for the holiday rush. First, how do you want to feel this season? Some examples include enjoyment, relaxation, and well-being. Next, what does that feeling look like? What choices, people, places, experiences, and activities offer you that feeling? Finally, what do you need for this to happen?
“It might be hard to access answers to these questions,” she says. “Most burned out or busy people have not asked themselves ‘What do I need?’ ‘How do I want to feel what?’ and ‘What would a really beautiful season feel and look like to me?’ So, we shove the answers far down on our priority list. We’ve taken care of everyone and everything else first.”
If you don’t take time to make decisions for yourself, you’re at risk of screeching through the holiday season, not really feeling present, says Houser.
“You’ll go through it on autopilot and come out on the other side feeling that it didn’t work out as you hoped,” she says. “The only person you’re 100% responsible for making happy is yourself. If you don’t do that, it’s how you get burned out.